Getting Slapped

I believe in being slapped. This is not something I enjoy, yet I have learned much about what it means to love my girlfriend by receiving her punitive gestures of affection.

Having cheated, I lived a lie for sometime before I decided I had to face my truths. Before I sat her down I played all of the possible outcomes in my head over and over again. Each scenario included being slapped, her screaming, and breaking furniture, I was certain I had thrown away my chance to love, traded it in for a few empty nights of drunken stupidity. I envisioned myself alone, full of a self-loathing and full of guilt. I barely mustered the courage speak the words “I need to tell you something”, faced with losing her the truth stuttered off my lips broken and fragmented but still I fought until it came out. Just as I had expected, her usually soft tempered voice roared, her small body ripped a chair out of it’s place and shattered it to pieces on the unsuspecting dining room floor. Tears flooded out of her coal dark eyes, pooling on her dimples and drenching her round smooth cheeks. She stared at me and without words I knew what I had done, ashamed remorseful my head sunk and then it hit me, well her hand did, hard and swift. It hurt, bad I had no idea such a small innocent olive skinned Cambodian could hit with such force.

She could have walked away left me with the loathing and the empty feelings I felt every night I was with someone else; but , she slapped me wanted me to feel hurt, but not alone. Her hand baby soft, loving and firm said to my face “I am here and I am not going to give up on you!” I told her the truth but love for us does not end with honesty it only starts there. I can’t simply be honest with her about my shortcomings and expect all to be well sorry does not mean anything if I do not change my behavior. So I have I stopped drinking al together and stopped getting high, I strive to be the best version of myself, because when I come close, I feel more joy than I ever did getting drunk and cheating. She lets me know I’m wrong and lets me get it right and I do the same for her. I couldn’t have found a better companion any other girl would’ve walked away from me and cursed me to the ground, but she slapped me around and let me know I am worth the fight.

I believe love is a fight you have to win everyday. I had to surrender to what my heart tells me in order to win and although some of the guys seem to think I’m throwing away my manhood. I couldn’t feel anymore like a man and I got slapped enough to prove it.

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