Silencing Doubt

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SILENCING DOUBT
I believe in “furry walls”. I have furry walls in my own happy place. I embody this state of mind only when I’m able to attain the peace of absolute certitude. When I am so sure of something that I can feel it in my core, when my conviction is so powerful and righteous, the end result is a peace that puts the “fur” on my walls. For me, there is nothing like the certainty achieved when I am able to commit whole heartedly to believing in someone or something. When I am comfortable in the confidence of my thoughts, I am able to slow my roll and drift into the zen of complete harmony, surrounded by the ambience of my furry walls.

Of course we can all hold beliefs to be true, while also acknowledging a certain level of doubt. But, the truths I speak of are the ones that provide me with such a high level of self-assurance, that in turn I receive an unmatched feeling of value, confidence and worth.

I find that I am drawn away from these comforts when I encounter some conflicting influence or opinion that jeopardizes this feeling of inner peace. Often these influences leave me in limbo, causing me to re-think my level of certitude; essentially matting down and denigrating my furry walls. Although distracting, I embrace the thought of a challenging influence because it forces me to learn and expand my knowledge. It is difficult for me to ignore the possibility that I am deceiving myself, since I respect and cherish the unmatched comfort certitude allows me. Something deep inside me would rather have no opinion, than to have one with doubts.

In valuing this state of mind so much, I find trouble establishing beliefs because I regard a belief as a truth, while most beliefs involve many uncertainties. There are few beliefs I can find comfort in without that nagging element of doubt. For these reasons I have trouble accepting the phrase “ignorance is bliss”. However, football, the gritty game of football, permits me to close my door to outside influence and find the inner peace that allows for my sense of pride. In essence, it provides me grounds that justify my ignorance to all that is outside the painted sidelines of a football field. Relieving that intrusive element of doubt.

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My nine year career has taught me discipline, and the value of teamwork; it brought me to a place of knowing. This knowledge allows me to the play the game with confidence, raw emotion and no fear. The depth of my experience allows me to anticipate my next move on the field, causing others to react; a step behind. Running with the ball, provides silence in my thoughts, my mind operating by instinct, no time left to contemplate doubt. The outside influences nagging me, now irrelevant. This sanctity of thought enabled me to recognize my own truths. Football brought to surface my deepest convictions.

This is the greatest gift I received from the game, the ability to trace to the source the motives of my opinions. These lessons and emotions experienced on the field transcend into reality. I believe in the freedom football allows in my convictions, decisions, and quest for pure comfort, surrounded by my furry walls of certitude. We all have reasons for what we believe, what are yours?

Devin C